Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Dirty Dozen: Mission Accomplished

Welcome to Dude Write!

We are thrilled to have you here, whether you are a Writer Dude, a Blogger Dude, a Reader Dude or a Fanatic of good writing. If you've stumbled upon us via a link and wondering what you've gotten yourself into, our Mission Statement should explain it all.

Which Dirty Dozen member are you most like?

Soldiers of Dude Write. You rose to the challenge and took that proverbial step across that line drawn in the sand. Your devotion to service and self-sacrifice for the betterment of Mankind (Ladykind too) is beyond measure. You were steadfast and true to the task, so much so, that in your zealous pursuit to crush your enemies, we were forced to change our name from the Dirty Dozen to the Filthy Fifteen. Granted, it doesn’t flow off the tongue quite as smoothly, but nonetheless, fifteen soldiers answered the call to duty.

As expected, your grueling training and dedication paid off. Boot camp helped transform your body of written work into something akin to that of Aristotle – fitting for the gods. You laughed in the face of d’ANGER that awaited you in the anecdote minefields, and resisted the temptation to enhance your skills unethically. Uncle Dude Write couldn’t be prouder.

Sure it wasn’t all fun and games.

You had to endure tireless motivational speeches from the brass, whom had never faced the atrocities of a writing battle firsthand themselves. You suffered the near endless lines in the mess hall, and learned where the latrine was – and in a hurry – when the chow went through you like a chocolate laxative. You learned that while your winky is fun to play with, it’s no replacement for a real gun in times of war. You were trained how to hump through the urban jungles, to carry the burdens of your fellow Man, and that while tight jeans are highly fashionable to march in, they have no place on the battlefield.

Preparing for battle not only requires the write Dudes, but also the write tools. While boobs are nice to look at, you learned in an advanced training exercise, that in the right hands they can also be used as weapons of mass destruction. You were trained to adapt and improvise, skills all soldiers of the pen must possess, especially if you are caught behind enemy lines and forced to use their tools to handle the job. And last, but certainly not least, you were trained in the art of swathing in preparation of the impending zombie apocalypse.

Lastly, in honor of all of the battle tested heroes that have gone before us, I leave you this thought provoking quote:

           “Whomever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered           
             automatic weapons."   -  General Douglas MacArthur

My tribute to GYB. And with that, we shall reveal the results.

Our latest inductee into the Diamond Club is Brandon from My Own Private Idaho, for his story My Shitty Week in Salt Lake City, demonstrating on how NOT to eat Elax. Brandon is no stranger to the Diamond Club, seeing that this is his 4th trip to the Diamond Card room.

Congrats, and head on over to the Diamond Club to link up!

We had two Platinum Card winners this week due to a tie. The first one goes to Chubby Chatterbox for going into great detail on how to put on AND take off a good pair of Tight Jeans.

The second one goes to our very own Good Youngman Brown for Attn: Soon-to-be Uncles for schooling us on what all new Uncles (or anyone new to the baby business) should expect.

*Note: No Gold winners this week due to multiple ties.

There are three Chairman's Choice awards this week. Joe won the Diamond Card last week with his post Indecision Kills, so he gets to hand out a Man Card this week.

Joe said: "Once again, there were many fine posts to choose from, butt I had to go with Stephen’s post about Tight Asses. His post pushed all the right dude buttons: blonds, twins, cheerleaders, and tight asses in tighter jeans. And what could be better than two perfectly proportioned, peach shaped derrieres wrapped in pair of tight jeans, other than two perfectly proportioned, peach shaped derrieres sans the jeans? I felt like I was in high school again."  

Your editors also had an opinion this week.

WilyGuy said, ""Once again forced to pick a winner among winners, I commend everyone on their fine (albeit less brilliant than my post) efforts.  I'm kidding, and speaking of kids, I'm fortunate that there was never as frank a conversation as Jeff had with his son in his post Dating Mrs. Palmer, whose first name is not mentioned, but undoubtedly Harriet. Jeff handles it extremely well and writes a great post about it. A word of caution about picking up the socks in his house should be mentioned."

Michael Walker said, "Another fine week of writing Dudes! As always, it was tough to narrow it down to just one pick, but this week I went with Nest Expressed 12 surprisingly insightful "stupid" celebrity quotes. Not only did I find the quotes hilarious, but Daniel's color commentary was clever and provoked a "LOL" out of me more than a few times. 

In the category of the "Color Commentator" Man Card, which is awarded to someone who we spotted making a particularly exceptional comment on another dude's post.

Two winners this week for the Color Commentator Man Card, both from Jeff's Dating Mrs. Palmer post.

The first one goes to Joe for his comment: 

"Unless he does his own laundry, I'd skip the sock suggestion."

And the second one goes to Ken for his comment:

"My kid just had a cold, there's a little mountain of used tissues beside his bed. I'm a little afraid to clean it up."

Congratulations to all of the new Man Card winners this week. If you didn't get yours this week, come back again on Thursday and try again!