Tuesday, August 7, 2012



If you are looking for the Flash Results, click here.

The world was an exciting place when we were kids.  

But our parents experienced high anxiety as we moved up in it.

And they were right for being nervous.  Because they couldn't stop us from having keg parties and testing out our various levels of drunkenness.  They also couldn't thwart our plans to steal cupcakes.

But despite all of that, sometimes our parents got it right.  Some of us became talented writers, whether we are writing erotica or writing refresher courses in the rules of the road. 

Others developed superpowers of never needing deodorant and went to pursue hot javelin throwers at the Olympics, despite its problems.

And others used what our parents taught us to live a simple and wholesome life, being a Good Samaritan whenever possible.  They take in stray dogs, because they see God in them, and then they make them [have puppies] so that there are more creatures to love.

Yea, some of our parents did it right.

But despite how much we love them and don't want them to leave, and despite how much it feels like getting kicked in the nuts, our parents die.  Whether it is our mother, father, or another positive role model who might as well have been our parent, we will one day be without them. 

It is up to us to make them proud.

And with that, we shall reveal the results.

Our latest inductees into the Diamond Club in an unprecedented three way tie are...

Congrats to our manly moderator, Wily Guy for his first Man Card for his post "The Levels of Drunk."  This is a must read for first time drinkers, as well as anyone who wants to get a good laugh.

The Chubby Chatterbox for his post "My Misguided Attempt At Erotica," in which he describes his failed foray into the world of sexytime novels.

Brandon from Lost in Idaho for his post "The difficulty of being a good samaritan in the 21st century," in which he talks about how a past frightening experience leads him to be hesitant before helping others.

With that, there will not be Platinum and Gold this week.

There are three Chairman's Choice awards this week. The Six Fingered Monkey won the Diamond Man Card last week,

He said: "The only thing sweeter than getting TWO "Diamond Club" man cards from the awesome dudes at Dude Write is having the opportunity to play "Chairman" and surpass all that voting bullshit to choose my absolute favorite Dude Write post... TWICE! For Dude Write 8 it was a difficult decision... I decided to follow my gut and my emotions with this one and go with Birdman's entry, "My Other Dad." I haven't cried that hard since my grandma died. That says something.

Your editors also had an opinion this week.

Youngman Brown said: "My Chairman's Choice Man Card goes to The Simple Dude for his post "A Tunnel to Heaven?" in which he divulges his elaborate plan to tunnel his way to procure delicious cupcakes.  The post was hilarious and the pictures were priceless.  Now if only I could find a way to burrow into the Playboy Mansion...

Great job, SD!"

WilyGuy said "As I go through all the posts again, as I'm want to do on the day of voting, I'm once again stunned by the quality of writers we have in our midst. It's that or my really lousy memory. Anyway, picking a winner is always difficult and I thank you for that. This week, I'm going with Joe's post over at Living in Kellie's World entitled Road Rage. Joe summarizes perfectly how I feel about all the other idiots on the highway during a long trip and how in the end, it might just be me overreacting. Remember beating someone who is a foot taller than you with your braced arthritic hand is never a good idea no matter how much they need it. Just the right blend of snark and rage for me! Congrats Joe."

In the category of the "Color Commentator" Man Card, which is awarded to someone who we spotted making a particularly exceptional comment on another dude's post.

This week's Man Card goes to Joe from Living in Kellie's World, for his comment on "The Minivan Puppet Show."

He said: "Great post, as usual, but it's hard to feel much sympathy for your thirteen-day work stint. Ring me up after you've spent 72 days submerged with 150 other dudes."

That's not only hilarious, but it puts things in perspective.  Thanks, Joe!

Congratulations to all of the new Man Card winners this week. If you didn't get yours this week, come back again on Friday and try again!