Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Widgets

Dude Write: What a Value!!!!!!

We are interrupting your regularly scheduled Maidenform commercial (put down the toys) to bring you this infomercial for Dude Write.

Are you tired of reading the same thing over and over?

Fear not!

Because here at Dude Write, we offer something new each week.

We know that life is tough, and it feels like a bullfight in which you have to constantly defend your honor. As if dealing with the stress, anxiety, and pain of a possible divorce isn't enough, you also have to battle flatulence and lazy fat people in an elevator. And if that isn't enough, you also have to develop new theories about women and not onlyfigure out if vampires existed, but if they existed while Abraham Lincoln was president.

And all of this while trying not to stare at an enormous set of boobs*!

*Not the good kind.

Don't you wish you could just forget all of that stress and just shoot fireworks out of your ass?

Well now you can.

Because at Dude Write, we are writers who are free to write about whatever we want. And quite honestly, reading each entry is kinda like shooting fireworks out of your ass.

But wait! There's more!!!

If you call within the next ten minutes, you will get a new set of knives, which you can use for whatever you want, whether you want to use them to go after your friend who stole your girlfriend or disgusting online perverts who target the young.

But act now, before time runs out!

(Also available en espaƱol)

And with that, we shall reveal the results.

 

Our latest inductee into the Diamond Club is Dan with his post Reality Check. This was a serious turn for Dan, both in life and in his entries in Dude Write and we were all thrilled to read it and saddened by it all at the same time. Kudos to the reader that read through to the end of the series.

He can link up in the Diamond Club and he will be given the opportunity to award a Chairman's Choice next week.

 

Who woulda thought that Kevin would win the Platinum card and come dangerously close to becoming our first multiple Diamond Winner? His post Chicken Theory discusses chicken breasts in great depth or something.


 

And our Gold Man Card goes to Brandon from Lost in Idaho (you da ho? NO, I da ho!) for his Evolution of Jerking It, where we married fellows are thankful for our wives and those not so matrimonially bonded are certain to never look at an iPad the same again.



This week, there will be three Chairman's Choice awards. As is tradition, Ken from Ken-InaTractor as a new member of the Diamond Club got to choose a post from this week's selection.


Here is what he said:

"Wow, to pick one post from all of these is a really difficult thing for a Dude to have to do. I spent a lot of time reading through them all and eventually, I found there was one that I had come back to about five different times. My Chairman's choice is going the be The Excuses We Make by Jack at The JackB. Being in my mid 40's as well, I'm finding my body is betraying me more and more often these days and the decisions I have to make because of that hit close to home with this post. Very well done."

Your editors also had an opinion this week.

Youngman Brown said, "Another great week. Another tough decision. This week, I am giving my Chairman's Choice Man Card to Addman from Muppets for Justice for his post Congratulations on Seducing My Ex. His list of advice to his (ex) friend was both hilarious and the perfect form of revenge to the girl. Great stuff, Addman!

WilyGuy said, "BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! This week was an easy decision thanks to the all knew decisionator-3000! I simply point and click and the decisionator-3000 picks the best blog based on my increase in testosterone and heart rate. Act Now and the editors will throw in two Chairman's Choice awards for the price of one, call now, quantities limited, void where prohibited, must be present on Daniel Nest's Key Ingredients of Any Infomercial to qualify. Great post!"


In the category of the "Color Commentator" Man Card, which is awarded to someone who we spotted making a particularly exceptional comment on another dude's post.

 

This week's Man Card goes to Ken for his comment on Kevin's "Chicken Theory." Ken wrote:

 

"You have a point with your theory. I've been eating eatingweiners, lots and lots of weiners. Still nothing. But those are made from lipsand assholes so there may be a flaw in my plan because sadly...no improvement."

 

This had us all laughing uncontrollably, and was the cherry on top of an already hilarious post.

 

Congratulations to all of the new Man Card winners this week. If you didn't get yours this week, come back again on Friday and try again!

And don't forget to get writing for our first Flash Fiction Competition. Yes, you have a month. But if there is one thing that TheJackB taught us this week, it is that time runs out quickly, so strike while the iron is hot!

Thanks for a great week!