Tuesday, June 26, 2012


The True Dude: Dude Write 2 Results

Well, it only took two weeks for it to happen. 

We tried to contain ourselves, but we simplycouldn't resist...

We talked about farts.

Farting + cows.  Seemed appropriate this week.
Specifically, terrorist farters in elevators.

It may or may not be out of our systems (yes, pun intended)but we survived, and so did you.

What else did we survive during Dude Write 2?

A lot of things, actually. A lot of freaking awesome things.

We survived Civil War soldiers, led by their clandestineGeneral. We survived falling out of bed and narrowly escaping our untimelydemise at the hands of our fan.  Welearned how to turn annoying things, like spam one-liners, into humorousanecdotes.  And if we were unable to makethem funny, we just sent them to the Wall of Shame.

We spent some time with animals.  When we weren't visiting the Monkey Rodeo,we were learning how to deal with stubborn cows.  Although, in their defense, the cows weren'tstubborn.  They were merely fantasizing about us.

We spent some time reflecting and changing.  We thought back to the harder times in ourlife, and the moments that changed and defined us.  Like the time that we were young, but stillrose up like the Hulk to erase cultural stereotypes, by overpowering thepeople that were trying to drag us down, both literally and figuratively. 

Or the time we spent with a beloved boss, who was justaiming to live life surrounded by the things he loved, and our struggle to makeit last.

But we are dudes.  Andsometimes all it takes is a beer, a steak, and the beach to invoke a changewithin us.

Dudes are funny creatures like that.

On that note, we learned what, exactly, makes a dude a dude, and we got some rules for life that every dude should follow.  We learned that no matter what wechoose as our daily diet, we are men. And as men, nothing will ever stop us from craving bacon.  We learned that trash-talking and one-upping other dudes is a surefire way to hold us back from being a truedude.  And we also learned that some ofus are unfortunately incapable of being a true dude because we are too shy to hit on girls.

But we're working on it.

Most importantly, we gave each other advice, like true dudesare supposed to do.

We gave advice on women, who are exactly like cars.  We gave advice on how to deal with swamp ass, which is exactly like swamps.  And we learned the best way to deal withknowledge of our Grandma's love life, which is exactly like our ownlove lives when we were teenagers.

All of this advice, I am sure, will one day be summed upinto an amazing graduation speech from a normal dude.  But if we are unable to light the path offuture generations with our amazing speeches, we always have the clever and hilarious insights of our offspring to give us hope.

And with that, we shall reveal the results.

With the most votes this week, our Dude Write 2 Diamond Club winner is Kevin from Who Woulda Thought? for his post "The Swass Meter" in which we learned that Gold Bond is our friend.

He can link up in the Diamond Club and he will be given the opportunity to award a Chairman's Choice next week.


Our Platinum Man Card goes to Jay from Dude of the House for his post "What is a dude?" where we learned how to become a true dude.

Incidentally, you can't try to be a dude.

So if you aren't a dude, don't try.

And our Gold Man Card goes to your beloved editor, Youngman Brown for his post, "On Picking Up Girls," in which he admits that he needs to be braver when it comes to approaching girls.

Perhaps the Man Card will help.



This week, there will be three Chairman's Choice awards.  As the first member of the Diamond Club, The Six Fingered Monkey got to choose a post from this week's selection.

Here is what he said: "What's up?

It was a tough job, having to hand out this week's Chairman's Choice award because every entry was awesome. I enjoyed reading all of them. However, only one can survive and I have chosen to bestow the Chairman's Choice Man Card to Kevin from "Who Woulda Thought?" Not only can I relate to "swass" and "swales" (laughing my ass off all the way through) even I don't have the balls to talk about such sensitive man issues for fear of never getting laid again... kinda like chicks and farting, but better. Congrats to all the bloggers who entered! What a talented bunch of dudes... and I say that in the least gay way possible! 

The Six-Fingered Monkey has spoken."

Your editors also had an opinion this week.

Youngman Brown said, "My Chairman's Choice Man Card goes to Birdman over at Change the Topic for his post "The best bosses I've ever had."  Such a great piece of writing, and one that made me feel as if I was really there, sitting with him and his boss and taking a part in the life that they shared for a few months.  Not only did I feel as if I could see him throwing the tennis ball to the dogs, but I could also feel the weight of the things in life that hold us back from simply living the life we want to live.  The only thing that matters in life is surrounding ourselves with the people that we love, but we still need to find a way to provide for such a life.  And that burden can become tangible, no matter how wonderful of a person we are."

WilyGuy said, "Another outstanding week of individual efforts and this week's call for Chairman's Choice was another of great difficulty.  I lost sleep over offending several brilliant posts.  But as Highlander said 'There Can Be Only One' (or three) and this week my choice goes to LanceB for his post "Shimmer" where I compared his imagery to a riptide saying ' Everything looks normal, once you are in it, it has you…pulling you where it wants you. I felt every emotion you intended'  Great Work Lance."

And we've got a surprise Man Card to hand out thisweek!  We are proud to introduce the"Color Commentator" Man Card, which is awarded to someone who wespotted making a particularly exceptional comment on another dude's post.

This week's Color Commentator Man Card is given to MichaelA. Walker of Defying Procrastination for his comment on Michael G. D'Agostino's "Rules forLife."  After reading Mike D's original post, I thought that he had covered every rule that a man should live by, but Mike W added some great additions to the list, my favorite being "Don't say goodbye to the ones you love without giving them a hug/telling them you love them - you never know if it will be the last time you see/speak with them."

Congratulations to all of the new Man Card winners this week, especially Kevin, who racked up two.  And if you didn't get yours this week, come back again next week and try again!

Thanks for a great week!